Personal Accounts

New on Oprah: Marriage+Kids=No Sex Drive

I never would have believed it if I hadn't seen the show myself.  I nearly fell of the treadmill watching Oprah this week.  The secret is a secret no more.  American women after marriage and babies have no interest in sex with their husbands.   Not only did they not keep it a secret, they were openly hostile to a woman who actually had the nerve to say her relationship with her husband was more important than her kids.  Blasphemy!

Ayelet Waldman wrote an essay based on her observation that many mothers that she came in contact with focused all of their love and attention to their children, to the detriment of their husbands.  She openly claimed that she loved her children but was not in love with them, and cautioned women to keep their relationship a priority in their lives.

The response was "there will be time for him once the children are gone".  Now I am all for being good parents to the generation who will follow us, but this near sighted attitude is a recipe for disaster.  There is no wonder the divorce rate is so high in the United States.  A ring on your finger is not a life long contract, and married women, if you feel tired now, try it as a single mother, ladies.

Resources

www.ayeletwaldman.com

Oprah Episode Guide

A lesson learned the hard way?

From the Curious Mind of Michael Kesterton, The Globe and Mail

In Britain, a new service aimed at druken cellphone users will block numbers of ex-lovers and bosses, or anyone else that the owner might be tempted to harangue while squiffy, reports The Independent.  With Virgin Mobile's Dialling Under the Influence, a person dials 333, followed by the number of theperson he or she wishes to bar later--and is then prevented from unleashing an embarrassing tirade until morning.

The Video Gaming Facial

Here is a great way to save money at the salon and spend quality time with your kids.

Bobbie Johnson in the Guardian writes that playing video games could help you look younger.  Some experts believe the exaggerated facial expressions made during a gaming session may help reduce the signs of aging. "The face has muscles which need to be exercised, just like any other part of your body", says Lynne Robinson, a Pilates expert who has worked with the likes of Liz Hurley and Hugh Grant.  "With good suncare, sensible skincare and facial exercises, players may keep looking young and stay away from the Botox".

Weather Rage

Jane Doe

Today is the first official day of Spring but up North, it is still grey and snowy with expectations for another month of the same.  I was listening to the news a few days ago which put a name to the feelings I have been having of late: weather rage.  Apparently I am not alone in being totally indignant with the weather conditions, but I guess I am not surprised. 

Weather rage is described as the frustration with the length of our Canadian winters and the longing for walking about without a coat, big boots, a snow shovel all the fun accessories of winter.  It was fun in December, but now it is getting pretty tired.  It is like politely watching the warm up band, but really wishing that the U2 would come out on stage already.

Now depending on how much rage you feel will depend on what happens between now and May.  For most people once the glimmer of warmer weather is upon us, we tend to forget about why we were so annoyed...great weather is just over the horizon.  For me, I am still stewing over the real estate ads in Hawaii which ask, "why would you live anywhere else", which is one reason I moved down south a few years ago...who needs this winter stuff anyway? 

The upside of the change of seasons is that with Spring in the air, there is always hope for new love for the single.  And there are plenty of good online sites to help you search for that love while it is still cold outside and much too hard to distinguish a male parka from a female one!

SOME SITES TO CHECK OUT
American Singles
Date.ca
Date.com
eharmony
Lavalife
Match.com
MatchMaker

Tickle.com

True.com

In Memory of My Uncle

Today marks the anniversary of the death of my favorite uncle.  He was intelligant, tall, handsome, charming...and single his whole life.  He is one of images I carry with me when I look for information of interest to single people.  Being single is much more than dating, although hormones do tend put it higher in priority.  While companionship is important and gives us well being, there are many other issues that single people deal with on a day to day basis.

Personal finance is particularly important for every single person to take ownership of.  Girls, if you are waiting for your knight in shining armour to come with piles of cash, you might want to rethink that premise.  When you consider the options--staying in amazing shape to compete with other gold diggers, or settling for the well off, but socially inept nerd, you are much better off looking after your own personal wealth.  In this manner you can choose to be with someone or not, or if you do chose to marry, have the financial package of your own to bring to the partnership.  Men, accummulation of assets is probably already in your DNA, but be sure to protect it.  If you do get hitched, the prenup is your guarantee to retaining your assets, or you may be in for a rude awakening should the marriage dissolve.  As the joke goes, "next time I am just going to give a woman a house and save all the trouble."

Some Paddy's Day Trivia

If you are looking at a way to impress the lassies standing in line for a Guiness today (and they really don't have as many calories as you might think!" here is some trivia to impress, according to to Wikipedia.org:

• Saint Patrick (died March 17, 462, 492, or 493) is the patron saint of Ireland.
• He was born around 385 in Caledonia (the Latin name of a region corresponding approximately to modern Scotland), probably at Kilpatrick.
• At the age of about fourteen, Patrick was captured and taken to Ireland as a slave. He escaped at the age of twenty and returned to Britain, reuniting with his parents and later becoming one of the first Christian missionaries to Ireland.
• He was one of the earliest writers to advocate the abolition of slavery.
• Patrick was not the first Christian missionary to Ireland, but he seems to have been the one who made the most
  impact.
• Mythology credits him with banishing snakes from the island of Ireland, though others suggest that for climatic reasons
  Ireland never actually had snakes; one suggestion is that "snakes" referred to the symbolism of the Pagan priests of that time and place, the Druids, possibly shown by their tattoos or that it could have referred to Pelagianism, symbolized as an Old-Testamental "serpent".
• Legend also credits Patrick with teaching the Irish about the concept of the Trinity by showing people the shamrock, a three leaved clover, using it to highlight the Christian dogma of "three divine persons in the one god" (as opposed to the Arian heresy that was popular in Patrick's time).
• It is unknown on what date he was born and died but it is believed that March 17 was his death date (according to the Encyclopaedia Britannica), and it is the date popularly associated with him as his Feast Day (known as St. Patrick's Day).
  
  THE LAST DROP: Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.

The Joey Syndrome

As millions of Friends fans know, Joey Tribbiani was left behind as his closest friends paired off to live happily ever after.  A clever set up for writers to work the spin off, but all too true in the real lives of singles.  And yes, right now I feel like a Joey in my own life.  So what does being a Joey mean?

We identified with Friends as a reflection of the same type of support network many of us develop as young single individuals living on our own away from our own families.  You become a close knit family, with the benefits of chosing your family members. But like all good things they must eventually come to an end.  We graduate from college/university, move away, date each other, and sometimes get married.  Group members come and go, and you try to keep in touch, but somehow it is not the same, especially when new families are formed, replacing the support group structure.

This weekend marked a end of an era in my life, and like Joey I am feeling a little left behind.  A good friend of mine is moving in with his fiance, and out of my neighborhood.  I recall when his condo being built and I would report back to him on as I passed the construction site on my morning daily run.  I am happy for him as he is marrying a great girl, whom he met online.  But I am sad that yet another of our core group has paired off and changing the dynamic.  And that is what the Joey syndrome is about, having to cope with the change in your social network and the support that is so important as a single.

But as the growing success of the new Joey series demonstrates, life goes on, now all I have to do is move to LA to become an actor.

Heart Beats - Valentine's Fast Facts

A few fact about this Hallmark holiday, from Hallmark itself:

• After Christmas, Valentine's Day is the second largest card-sending occasion. Approximately, 40 million Valentine's Day cards will be exchanged this year.
• According to Hallmark research, 52% of Canadians give gifts at Valentine's Day, 45% give cards, 41% give candy, 38% have dinner at home and 27% have dinner at a restaurant.
• One-fifth of Valentine's Day cards are given to a spouse but friends, children and grandchildren are also common recipients.
• Seventy per cent of all Valentine's Day celebrations involve the exchange of at least one card.
• Hallmark first offered Valentine's Day cards in 1913 and began producing them on a large scale in 1918.
• When asked about the type of Valentine's Day card they'd like to receive 43% of respondents to a Hallmark survey said a "light and funny" card, 29% want a "loving and romantic" card, 21% favour "simple and cute" while only 5% desire "steamy and suggestive."

Source: Hallmark Canada

More than 1,300 different Valentine's Day cards are available at Hallmark Gold Crown stores across Canada. To find the nearest store, call 1-800-HALLMARK

- News Canada

A Short History of the Valentine's Day Card

(NC)-According to Roman legend, during the third century, Valentinus (who would become the namesake of the modern Valentine's Day) was imprisoned for his religious beliefs and sentenced to death. Legend has it that while he was jailed Valentinus restored the sight of his jailer's blind daughter. The night before he died, he wrote a farewell note to the girl signed, "From your Valentine." His death sentence was carried out the next day, Feb. 14, 269 A.D.

Hundreds of years later in fifth century Rome, people honored Juno, the pagan goddess of love and marriage, each Feb. 14. During the celebration, men would draw women's names and court them for marriage. Eventually, around 498 A.D., Pope Gelasius declared Feb. 14 as Saint Valentine's Day to honor the martyr Valentinus (and to end the pagan celebration). The valentine has become the universal symbol for love over the centuries, says Denise Darragh of Hallmark Canada. But Valentine's Day celebrations and traditions, including cards, are constantly evolving to reflect everyday attitudes towards romance. The earliest known written valentine has been traced to the rhymed love letters sent by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife when he was a prisoner in the Tower of London in 1415. Prior to this time lovers said or sang their valentines.

Commercial valentines first appeared around 1800 and have featured a variety of themes reflective of each era. Norman Rockwell inspired Valentine's Day cards in the roaring twenties while the influence of Mickey Mouse and World War II can be seen in cards from the thirties and forties.

Today, Valentine's Day cards are available for everyone, not just lovers. While over half of all valentines are romantic, there are cards for friends, teachers, children and other family members. More than 1,300 different Valentine's Day cards are available at Hallmark Gold Crown stores across Canada. To find the nearest store, call 1-800-HALLMARK.

Surviving Valentine's Day

For single people, Valentine's Day can be a painful reminder of the relationship they long for or the loneliness they feel in their lives.   Here's how to manage the occasion:

1. Accept your emotions.
If you're feeling lonely because you're not in a romantic relationship, or sad over the recent ending of a relationship, give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Talk to a trusted friend or write in your journal about the feelings this day brings up. Remind yourself that it's only one day and that this day, too, shall pass.

2. Be social.
Organize a group of your single friends for dinner out or a potluck on Valentine's Day. Just because you're not in a romantic relationship doesn't mean that you don't have people who love you and whom you love in your life. Take this day to honour and celebrate these relationships.

3. Treat yourself to Valentine's fun.
Buy some flowers for your kitchen or a box of your favourite chocolates, schedule a massage or make an appointment at the spa. You're perfectly capable of treating yourself. You don't need a partner to do it.
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Carole-Anne Vatcher, MSW, RSW is a Toronto-based individual and couple therapist in private practice. She has been interviewed for Homemakers, Reader's Digest and Canadian Living. She has made guest appearances on Canada AM, The Erin Davis Show, W Live and CityTV's TalkTV. Carole-Anne helps men and women improve their relationships and make positive changes in their lives. You can visit her website at http://www.torontotherapy.ca/.