A recent article provided to Lavalife members explores how online dating has had an impact on the way that many singles are now approaching the mating process, with good and bad points. More selection and choices, but very hasty judgments, making first impressions even more important than ever.
Hyperdating: How Online Dating Speeds Up the Courting Process
By Lisa Daily
A friend of mine usually has five or six dates a week with guys she's met online. Is she a tramp? No, actually, she may be an old-fashioned girl by today's dating standards. Many online daters are setting up as many as ten or more dates per week, sometimes two or three a night. Welcome to the fast-paced world of hyperdating.
Contrary to what you might expect, most hyperdaters aren't slutty, sex-crazed players looking for a hookup. In fact, many daters use hyperdating as a way to speed up the traditional dating process in order to find a meaningful relationship.
Many people who date online have sharpened their online dating skills down to an exact science: The scenario goes something like this:
You meet online. Something sparks and you find yourself emailing back and forth like a couple of lovesick teenagers. She shares her traumatic frog experience from the fourth grade, he confesses that his favorite song is "Wind Beneath My Wings." Before you know it, you're trading photos, rapid-firing IMs, and setting a date for coffee/lunch/drinks. You finally meet in person, decide the chemistry just isn't enough to overcome your previous knowledge of his/her cat collection/persistent underemployment/sketchy wardrobe and you end the date before the waiter has a chance to bring a check. Or, there is a spark, and you bond feverishly over your previously established adoration of canned ravioli/ Graham Norton/tarot cards. In which case you finish your Apple-tinis (certain you've found your soulmate,) and head back to your place.
We swoon over the profiles of bankers and car salesmen the way we used to pore over the details of TV heartthrobs and rock-n-roll frontmen in the latest edition of Teen Beat.
Unfortunately, looking for something meaningful can be a challenge in the convenience-driven world of online dating. Why settle for less than romance novel perfection when there is a full menu of replacement dates as close as the nearest Internet connection? And, with the introduction of mobile dating (dating via cell phone) on the horizon, industrious daters could be hooking up with someone new while their not-so-fantastic date is in the restaurant bathroom.
Dating has been transformed from ten years ago when a "date" meant drinks, dinner, a movie and maybe a kiss on the doorstep. Now, it's the 30-minute mini-date. Friday night date night may still mean drinks, dinner and a movie, but now, it's with three different people.
The Good News and Bad News
Here's the good news about hyperdating: Thanks to the magic of romance technology and round-the-clock man shopping, you can cram 15 years worth of dating into a mere 37 months.
The bad news: You may be so numb from chronic over-dating that you fail to realize when Mr. or Ms. Right finally crosses your inbox.
More good news about hyperdating: You can learn from somebody's profile what would have taken grandma five dates to glean in a traditional dating process.
The bad news: Too short, too lazy, too undereducated. In a slower-paced social setting you might take the time to get to know someone who wouldn't fit your ideal profile, somebody bad on paper and great in person. In the efficiency –driven world of hyperdating we make snap judgments based on height, job description and pet preference. Like a Lexus salesman who passes over the millionaire with the scruffy jacket and torn blue jeans, a shopper that doesn't look like he can make the payments doesn't get offered the test drive.
Lisa is author of Stop Getting Dumped!
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