Jane Doe
While I really enjoyed the book, the premise behind He's Just Not That Into You follows the argument "Busy is another word for Asshole. Asshole is another word for the guy you are dating." However, life isn't so clear cut, there is always the real possibility that the reason a guy isn't more interested is that he is concerned about the rejection he may face. So you might be picking up vibes from him that make you think maybe he is interested and may you are interested, too (as long as he is interested). The problem though, is that it may be a long time before you will ever know for sure. Yes, the same drama you experienced in high school, but who would have guessed it could drag on for years?
I had dinner recently with a male friend who confessed having feelings for one of the girls who was joining the evening festivities that night. He has had lingering feelings for the girl for almost a decade. As most of these stories go, they briefly dated, they were friends, and the connection between them never really gelled. She drifts in and out of his life when she needs the support that their friendship will provide. Or is she making herself available to him, hoping he will make the move?
As these stories typically go, time passes, and the emotional attachment grows so that it becomes more difficult to confess romantic feelings.
I have been on both sides of the equation and know the best advice is to just dive in, make your move and be prepared for the consequences.
You Love Me? When Did that Happen?
Women do have keen "spidey sense", but sometimes we mis read signals. Kindness, and helpfulness by male friends are interpreted as nothing more than acts of kindness. We do have platonic friends and in spite of what Harry proclaims in When Harry Met Sally, not all men want to sleep with you (were life that easy!). I was celebrating my birthday with friends a few years ago when one of my male friends, who had consumed enough alcohol to give him courage to confess, announced in front of everyone that he loved me. I was shocked but thinking back did put the little pieces together. It reminded me of a situation in college when I liked a boy, and he didn't know it, while another pined for me. Those crushes fade away as people move on to their careers and move thousands of miles away. The "out of site out of mind" cure for throbbing loins of youth. No wonder I found Dawson Creek so charming. Teen Angst, nothing like it.
How Could You Possibly Not Know that I Love You?
I still remember how strong my feelings were for the boy in college whom I had met on a concert bus to travel to see Genesis. Little did I know the boy was actually on staff at the University, I went to school with his younger brother. The little spark didn't reallly seem to take and I had spent a year trying to get the courage to confess my feelings. He finally called me on it, I confessed, and he turned me down. Sure enough, he came back after summer break, and announced that he loved me to. Funny, I had dealt with the rejection, and made a decision to move on, so by the time he was ready for me, I was already dating someone else. I moved away a year later, but Ross on Friends, was able to see the object of his love for years, and not have the opportunity to make a move.
The Maybe
Sometimes you have great vibes about another person, but just not sure if they are interested in you, too. Are you great friends or potential lovers? I spent three years trying to figure that out with a great friend of mine. I enjoyed the friendship, and although I really wasn't attracted to him, there was something about his soul--for lack of another term--that was very appealing. He avoided talking about it, but eventually it came out: he was clear he didn't want to date me, I was annoyed at him for a couple of months for not having the balls to just admit it a lot earlier... and we went on with our lives. And yes, you can recover the friendship.
So What is the Answer ?
Confess, confess, confess. If you are a man, make your move. Women expect that, and unless you behave other than a "friend", you will be labelled as a "friend". Save yourself years of grief and just get it over with. Because of my recent experience with my Maybe, I am perhaps a little more zealous in pressing the issue. And since I have been involved in the online dating scene for awhile now, understand that there are many fish in the sea. You might as well find out, and then move on. That is why I recently asked Blue Eyes, a guy who I liked, "are we on, or are you just not into me?"
LINKS TO RELATED ARTICLES
Book Review: He's Just not That Into You
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LINK TO THE BOOK
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