Jane Doe
The highly rated HBO series Sex and the City (SATC), lives on in a new dating book worth checking out, especially for us girls who need to stop making excuses for a man's bad behavior. The point of the book appears to be that you should stop the madness before you drive yourself (and any friend who will listen) crazy trying to analyze a guy's every move. Yes, another book that begs us to face the fact that men really aren't that complicated. Are we going to listen this time?
After listening to the girls analyze possible reasons why a man hadn't called back, Carrie's then boyfriend Burger offers his opinion that "he's just not that into you." The story goes that some of the crew from the show were having the same discussion when the token hetereosexual male made the same observation. To each scenario women presented which might explain why a man would "disappear", his answer was the same: "he's just not that into you." So it made it into an episode and then into this book, written with a female colleague to give female counter point of view.
The basic premise of the book is this: "If a sane guy really likes you, there aint' nothing that's gonna get in his way. And if he is not sane, why would you want him." And men aren't giving us mixed messages--we are the ones who are mixed up. By offering up these gems, the intent is to understand that "knowledge is power, and more importantly knowledge saves us time." Less time we waste making excuses for a guy who simply is not interested in us, the more greater our chances of being available when the right guy does come along.
The book is a quick read so when you do find yourself start to make excuses why the guy is not calling, you can whip it out and give yourself a dose of reality. For example: "He's just not that into you if he's not calling you. Men know how to use a phone." and "He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out, because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out."
I had recently sent a note to Blue Eyes, who I had dated a couple of times, but who had gone silent. I offered that if he wasn't that into me that was cool, just let me know. The response I got from him was what the book would describe "the busy excuse" which just a polite rejection, but he did offer that while I was really attractive he didn't feel a romantic connection. So I knew where we stood, and you always need a cute handy guy to have on hand. Some guys aren't as open and just hope that eventually you will get the message and go away. Come to think of it, us girls have been guilty of the same behavior...
The cautionary note I would give is that sometimes there are some reasons that an interested guy can't call--there are still a lot of shy guys out there--but I do like the "you deserve better" approach. In fact, why not buy a few books for your girlfriends. Consider it money well spent so that you can save your girl time for fun activities like shopping and working out, and not talking each other down from another bad relationship.
LINKS
He's Just Not That Into You:...
Sex and the City: Episode 78
Mr. Big and Other Pseudonyms
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